I was young, well, not that young, but younger than I am now. It was a long time ago, and that’s a fact. I was a teenager, and my friends and I decided to take a trip to Coney Island. We rode a few rides and played a few games. The day was perfect, and as the sun was setting, my best friend and I sat on the edge of the pier and watched it. Now, I was terribly large back then, and I still am… but that’s not the point. As we were sitting there, I felt a creaking beneath my bottom. I ignored it, and I felt the fireworks coming; we were going to kiss. And the pier broke beneath me and I was sent down, plunging into the cold, salty water.
From that day forward I would get my revenge.
I will feed everyone. I will make them fat.
I will make them feel the pain…
the humiliation…
the terrors of being large!
They will all suffer!
They will all sympathize, not laugh!
They will feel the way I feel!
MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I will achieve this goal.
And I will call myself…….
Ronald McDonald.