Dear Santa,

You are one certified son of a bitch. Seriously, I thought we were friends! How the hell could you do this to me, Santa? I was good for an entire year! I was never ever ever on your naughty list. Apparently, you don’t know who has been naughty or nice. You’re a downright hypocrite and you can go to hell.

Actually – wait. I’m not done yet, Santa.

You stole my girlfriend, Santa! How the hell could you do something like that?! And don’t you deny it. I saw you two kissing underneath the mistletoe. I’m surprised she could reach your lips through that white fuzz on your face. I hope it’s cancerous. Now I know why people stop believing in you, Santa. You’re just some fat ass man whore. I hope you get AIDS.

Ho Ho Fucking Hoe Santa.

Fuck you,
A Very Disgruntled Ex-Boyfriend

P.S.
Debra, I hope you get trampled by reindeers.