Top of the Food Chain

Some people think they are cute and fuzzy. Some people put them in little cages, feeding them, cleaning up after them, petting them, playing with them. It’s despicable!

Why would someone pay money to put one in their house?! There are businesses designed around eradicating this pest!

Foul, loathsome beasts. They poop and pee everywhere, forcing you to wash anything they’ve come in contact with. They chew through your baseboards, floors, come up around pipes, crawl in the ducts, infiltrate your serenity.

I slather peanut butter on the end of a tiny projection, set with a super-sensitive latch, and slide it gently into a corner beside the stove, and again under the sink, and in the pantry. I imagine the outcome; waking up to find lumps of still, gray fur attached at the neck to the contraptions, the silence, the cleanliness! It makes me breathe a deep satisfying sigh.

Oh yes, the little beasts will die tonight! I will show no mercy! They shall have their last taste of life before.. SNAP!

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