Last two lines were what made the ficly for me. :) Very well played.

Ah, yes. I concur, the last lines pack a powerful punch. Perfect ending.

Looked the imagery. I can just picture the crowded, sunny day.
Just a small typo, it should be ‘your’ instead of ’you’re’ in the 2nd from last line.
Otherwise great!

I don’t feel… connected by this story. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe it’s too supernatural for me.

It’s well written regardless of whether I care for it or not.

The last two lines are great, the rest is kinda quick, like when you write just to get it all down, cramming a lot in. I’m guilty of that. :) the important thing is nailing that story down.