Dear Santa,
I am very concerned about your mental and physical health, I would not say this is an intervention, per say, but more of a quest of compassion. One of the elves (who would like to remain anonymous) has revealed to me that you have been talking about squeezing down chimneys for real this year, because of some personal pressure to be a true holiday “success”. It is believed that your hours spent watching reality TV instead of making toys first hand have been causing you to make unrealistic goals that may put you and your employee’s future in danger. Shopping at the mall instead of making toys by hand has possibly given you too much free time to snack the day away. It was bad enough when you got all the elves to make stuff for you, but now all they even do is order everything online. This may be why your latest readings on the Doc’s treadmill were so alarming. For the sake of honoring reality & your soul purpose, please get medical help before it’s too late.
-Much Love
Your Grand Daughter