The first casualty of war is the truth.

Nice beginning. Where next?

There’s a nice underlying feeling of tension that hints at a kind of totalitarian government behind the scenes here. I think it’s interesting.

One issue I had was that it didn’t seem to balance dialogue and action quite as well as it could have. As I read it, it was more of a start-and-stop thing than an easy to read story. Punctuation might have something to do with it. But also sentences like “Charles was reeling from the officer’s comment” are unnecessary—his surprise is already implied and that sentence disrupts the flow.

I hope I got my message across without bein’ a jerk. I do like the story!

Thank you for the comments Stovohobo. It helps out.