It’s a good premise, but I think it feels a little confused – maybe breaking it up a bit would help… I’m not quite sure the structure captures the idea of self-obsessive internal dialogue, but as far as tackling the challenge originally goes it’s very strong!

Also watch some of your phrasing – capitalise Pete in ‘for Pete’s sake’, and ‘lays’ should be in ‘lies’ in the last sentence :) MH

Even though the title suggests otherwise, I sort of left it open-ended to interpret as you will. I guess it didn’t work!