“Weight!”

“Er… 100, 567, 888 pounds, sir.”

“What? Why? We double-checked the entire ship’s contents, why are we 120 pounds overweight?”

The captain of the USS Omaha glared at the lackey, his stare boring into the private’s eyes.

“I… I don’t know, sir! Maybe the scales are… off-”

“Don’t say that!” the captain yelled. “They haven’t been off in seven years!”

“W-well,” the private stammered, “it’s not a big deal, right?”

The captain sighed. “Turn the surveillance cameras on. All of them. If it’s moving, it’ll move by a camera eventually.”

The private stopped and saluted, “Yes, sir!”