You can tell this is written from the heart – the whole piece deals with one situation, but there is still a clear and effective structure, a variation in word choice and description and some vivid emotional imagery…

There needs to be a space after the full stop before you start the fourth sentence in the second paragraph, and I think the last two lines would have MUCH more impact if they were both their own paragraphs.

Very good… Well done!

You can tell this is written from the heart – the whole piece deals with one situation, but there is still a clear and effective structure, a variation in word choice and description and some vivid emotional imagery…

There needs to be a space after the full stop before you start the fourth sentence in the second paragraph, and I think the last two lines would have MUCH more impact if they were both their own paragraphs.

Very good… Well done! MH :)

Thankyou! I’ll fix those things you pointed out.

This is the most beautiful and comforting and sad and brilliant piece!

I agree with all the comments above! I especially love the second paragraph, and third, Oh who am I kidding. I love this whole piece.

Wow, very well written. I’m going through such a moment right now so I find your words at once both, moving and comforting.

It fades, but it never disappears completely. This is a very beautiful piece.

I feel like I just read a page in someone’s journal… a very real, delicate moment.