Okay this story was inspired by a line in a show I watch online called “Film Riot” at http://filmriot.squarespace.com/ There was a sketch they did that I enjoyed a lot! Here’s the link to the actual sketch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zk6smT6N_H0

Bloody, funny, and bloody funny. An unending black comedy of errors is how I view this, and it works great!
Nice one! =))

haha Thanks!

I like it! I imagined the two characters as Vincent and Jules, if you’ve ever seen Pulp Fiction.

My one criticism is that it took me a while to figure out what was happening on the line: “GROAN BANG!”

Yeah I definitely added a bit of Pulp Fiction-esque in there.

Yeah I wasn’t sure how to do that. I wanted to convey that the person who was shot groaned than instantly the one guy shot him. I did have the two on seperate lines, but it didn’t convey the comedic quickness that I wanted. The Groan was in * but Ficly just put it as bold. So I may edit, it if it does confuse people. But thanks for the comment!