Pedicures are great but I get bored. What do I do to relieve my boredom? I read women’s magazines. I read Elle and Vogue and even Seventeen. I learn the importance of the right bag, the best haircut for Capricorns and or course, the most up to date grooming tips.

Somehow all that advice has managed to seep into my brain and take hold. I have sculpted my eyebrows and I have sprayed on a tan. Washing my face isn’t good enough anymore, I’ve adopted a “skin rejuvenation regimen”. All this to become more fashionable.

This morning I took the final step. I waxed. That’s right, all of it went. Not a hair was spared! I am standing in my bathroom staring at my naked body; perfectly arched eyebrows, golden skin, pores so small, they cannot be seen with the human eye.

I look at myself and see what I have become, a plucked chicken.