Written in one take, without stopping to breathe (barely), so any criticisms are certainly welcome.

Hey, thanks for sequelling! I haven’t been on Ficly in a while, so this was a nice surprise.

This is a really cool piece! I love the second paragraph and the last couple of lines in particular. “It is beautiful”, in its simplicity, gave me goosebumps. Great job!

Wow, thanks! I didn’t think this story would go over quite so well.

I couldn’t have done it without your inspiration, though. :D

I would suggest “consciousness” instead of “conscience” in paragraph 3. Conscience doesn’t really fit there as it has more to do with morality than awareness. Also, and this is more of a personal gripe than anything else so feel free to ignore: starting the story with “and” doesn’t add anything but confusion. Or not. Artistic license and all that.

Paragraph 4 was the high point. Even though you started a sentence with “but”! Perhaps even because of that. It has an almost biblical tone to it; the words “lo” and “yea” would not have been remiss.

I agree with the “consciousness” point. I’m taking artistic license on the “and” point, however, because I intended this story to specifically come directly after the previous story, almost as if they were on the same page. I understand your point, though.

I’m glad I peaked late. Too often I use up all my good ideas in the first paragraph and then wallow for 800 characters. Glad to see you liked it.