“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

“Dude, I saw that movie. You are not Inigo Montoya. You’re just some asshole who broke into my house and tied me to this chair for no good reason.”

“Yeah, but it sounds cooler than ‘Hello. My name is Hank. Some dude paid me five-hundred bucks to kill you.’ And it ain’t ‘no good reason’ man, it’s for five-hundred bucks. You know how many shoes my old lady can buy with five-hundred bucks?”

“If she’s anything like my old lady? Two.”

“Ha. No shit, right?”

“So wait. Some dude hired you to kill me?”

“Yup.”

“Well shit. What’s his name?”

“Dude who hired me?”

“No, your dad. Yes you fucktard, the asshole who hired you to kill me.”

“He told me not to tell you.”

“What the fuck does it matter if I’m going to be dead?”

“It’s the principle of the thing.”

“Wait, so you’re willing to kill me for a lousy five-hundred bucks, but you refuse to tell me who hired you to do it? On principle? Man, that’s fucked up.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

“Fu—”