Started writing this a few months ago, but it was moving in a completely different direction. Picked it up again today, reworked it, and thought it would fit this challenge.

Random, but totally and utterly brilliant – it could actually go somewhere, I want to see more of this hitman, proving that you’ve added an element of sheer randomness into a decent plot, not forsaken story for cheap laughs or mindboggling nonsense!

The dialogue is well-pitched and equally well-written and as I said, the central character is fabulous. A cracking read – well done! MH :)

This is funny as—
I agree with MH this is amazingly funny (especially after 3 cans of cider). I wanna see more!!!

Great exchange. The shoes bit got me laughing out loud.

My one nitpick is the word “measly” in the victim’s long line near the end. Just doesn’t seem natural in the flow of the conversation.

But very enjoyable read!

Made a couple changes. Replaced “measly” with “lousy.” Hopefully that fits better. Also fixed the weird hyphen issue on the final line, which forced me to modify a couple other bits to keep nirvana.

I can dig it JP. A fun little random piece with some good dialog. I bought 6 pencils, but I need one for my homework.

I love conversations with your killers.

This scene was awesome! The exchange reminded me of something you would see in a Quentin Tarantino movie. It felt real. Nicely done!

Fairly random, at least in the sense that it would feel random for someone to break into your house and assassinate you. Still, I thought it made for an intriguing story there underneath the low-brow conversation of your characters. Cool beans.

Excellent use of fucktard. That word is underutilized.

It would make such a great screen play. And I want to see both of these dudes in different situations.

This is great. I enjoyed it, but kept thinking, 500 bucks? Why doesn’t dude who’s going to die offer the hit man more money not to kill him. It might be cliche, but in terms of being realistic I think that this guy’s only hope is to offer more money, right?