Mostly Harmless

I’m not sure about the super-quick turn around in content here, it goes from ‘vain character introduction’ to ‘over-exaggerated but funny crisis’ to ‘Twilight with Old Man’ without much breathing space…

I think the pace problems are because a lot of your sentences start ‘and then’ or ‘it was then’ – try to find a way to make the connections between events more seamless perhaps? And Texas needs capitalising.

The first paragraph was my favourite, and then it lost direction for me. But, still, an interesting direction nonetheless… Reading on! MH :)

• Posted almost 10 years ago.
• 3 out of 5