The flowers came in a box the day before my birthday. I brought the box immediately up to my room as soon as I found it on the doorstep. It was dirty and dented, and the contents inside were in an even sadder state. The leaves were wrinkled, the buds shriveled. I searched for a card to tell me who they were from, but I couldn’t find one.

I decided to go ahead and release the sad flowers from their cold, wet florist foam prison. They looked even more depressing in the vase.

After inspecting the box for a few minutes, I managed to find the card…on the bottom of the box. It read:

Happy V Day and B day. Love…..
Love John.

Oh, God, I thought. After all this, there are even typos on the card. How do I tell my boyfriend tactfully not to do this again?

After wrestling with the box again, I managed to find flower food packets between two pieces of cardboard. I added one to the water and watched. Nothing happened. I sighed deeply, and walked away.