David and Lauren went for a beer to the Café Verdi. I was not there; they told me later of the horrific experience that befell them there. David could not contain himself, and shouted to the barman: “This place stinks! Those Dachshunds have been here again!” General consternation among the upmarket clientele at the other tables.

The barman came over to see what was wrong. He spotted the poo and approached it carefully, stopping at a safe distance to gaze at it as if fascinated by a snake. Eventually he tore himself away and went to get some paper napkins to deal with it.

As he was gingerly positioning himself for the delicate surgical removal of the offending intrusion, David suddenly grabbed it with his bare hand. After smelling it suspiciously, he put it in his pocket, to the general horror.

David is such a joker.