The original narrative was clumsy and confusing, kept the dissociation the author attempted and deleted many useless descriptions.

Oh, thank you, CAV – I didn’t see this sequel when I commented on your comment – this is all I could have asked for – you saw what I was attempting and now I can see how I might have done better!

For the record, Augusto, the general idea is to comment with corrections so the author can edit, not to completely rewrite it.

where are you from, CAV?

From Downtown Mexico City, born and raised… Sorry, Mr. Wift, been doing rewrites as an exercise and posted them not as a means of demeaning the work of my fellow authors.