The reveal in the second stanza was powerful enough for me, but again in the last two lines? Really nice example of drip-feeding the reader the plot, which gave it a nice pace…

You seemed to start with some kind of rhyme pattern between the last words of consecutive stanzas, but that was dropped pretty quickly – whether this was intended or not, it threw me a little – but still, with regards to content you got the emotion across well – good work! MH :)

Wow. This is beautiful. I like the strange-(non existent?)-meter. My friend just committed suicide. This is a really good touch on the emotions I felt.

Thanks y’all. The stanzas were written so that if you take them by themselves, they sound like they belong within a poem, but placed together they feel separated. I meant it to help the loneliness feeling, but I’m not sure if it worked.

Ouch, very effective, especially the repetition of the line about having suicide on your mind. Excellent depiction of the wonder and angst left in the wake of a suicide.

The non-rhythmic repetition of the suicide line threw me at first, because it was asymmetrical, but I accepted it. It gave it more of a punch at the end and I’m glad you ended with it.

After talking to someone about this, we came to the conclusion that this was written by a dragon. Here’s the reasoning:
Me- It sounds like he killed his sister’s rider for some reason, which caused her to commit suicide. And now he’s probably suicidal. Possibly because he doesn’t have a rider of his own either.

Kyky- I think he killed his sister’s rider knowing she would commit suicide—which he regrets and is now admonishing himself for his evil deeds.

So now i have to figure out how to write this into a short story. WOOO!