Right. The thing is, you seem to restart the story here, instead of following on directly – why reintroduce your character when you did it so perfectly already?
Engaging and well-written, but I think your secret ingredient is your unique central character – so focus on him and his mentality, rather than just telling us he’s shooting a Mafia-type character…
The potential’s still there, but perhaps not the first installment’s spark… MH :)
Mostly Harmless