First assemble the following;

1 Jar of Peanut Butter
1 Jar of Grape Jelly
2 Slices of white bread, non toasted
1 Knife, non-serrated, rounded tip
1 Teaspoon, non-serrated, rounded tip
1 Reasonably flat and firm horizontal surface
1 Family Dog

Place all the articles, except the dog, onto the flat surface. The dog will remain nearby wondering what you are going to do with these foodlike objects.

The following instructions assume that you are right handed. If you are left handed then please assume that you are right handed for the purpose of the instructions. This will be much easier for me than having to write a whole ‘nother section just to deal with those of you that insist on not conforming to the proper human standard.

Grasp the jar of peanut butter in your left hand. Place the fingers of your right hand on the knurled edge of the lid of the peanut butter jar. Squeeze tightly with both hands. Rotate the lid in a counter clockwise direction.

For those of you with digital watches, let me explain.