…Buttscratcher, it hits all the right spots!" said Stanley, feeling pretty pleased with himself.

“Buttscratcher?!?” was the reply of amazement from his wife

“Buttscratcher!” he exclaimed, revelling in the intelligence of his decision!

“Buttscratcher?!?”

“Buttscratcher!”

“What am I meant to do with a buttscratcher?” Came the cry of amazement, “It’s repulsive how you can use a plank of wood to itch your rear end, magical or not!”

“Well, why does it always have to be about you? Why can’t I get something I want for a change?” Stan replied, adamant in his resolve.

“WE CAN’T CONQUER THE GIANT’S REALM WITH A BUTTSCRATCHER!” She struggled frantically to calm down, “You know what? I think I’m going to stay at my sister’s for a while.”

“FINE! Do what you want!” He yelled, defensive of the pleasure the buttscratcher could give.

When she was gone, he turned around and whispered to the wooden implement, “Feeus, Fius, Foeus, Fumus.” And with that, it became a sword, and he cut through into the realm of giants.