A desperate plea for help

You know what I hate about vampires? Everything!

No, I’m serious, I am going to be super honest here, I hate vampires with a flaming passion. Imagine my shock and piss-offatude when I found out my girlfriend of 2 years is a vampire. Yeah, it’s weird you know? You love someone for so long and then to find out that night she was out getting ice cream she got bit just outside Dairy Queen. If I would’ve known she wanted ice cream, she should’ve come over and I would’ve gotten it for her. I know people would say “Well then you would be turned into a vampire too!” But I say ney-ney as I can kick that blood sucker’s butt!

But back to the girlfriend, what do I do? I love her and yet I now hate her! But it’s not her fault. She wants to work it out. But we live together and that’s going to be all weird when she can’t go out during the day, and I can never shave around her without her licking her lips. Would I have to palm a stake at all times? I don’t know what to do! Help me Internet you’re my only hope!

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