OK, to start with, you will need:

A form of writing (Pen and Paper, Computer, etc.)
A list of ingredients
A vague knowledge of how to make whatever the you intend on writing a recipe on
The ability to use your form of writing

OK, firstly, we title our recipe, for example, “How to effectively murder someone”. This shouyld probably contain some indication of what you want to explain. Next, we take a blank space and we start adding words to it. It’s probably a good idea for these words to be some sort of method, and to actually mean something, as opposed to writing gobbledegook. At this stage, you should start thinking about little optional extras, like your zes and ’ows. Zese will make ze comical base of ze recipe itself, allowing ze readers a, ’ow-do-you-say, chuckle?

DISCLAIMER: WE APOLOGISE, DYSLEXICS AND ILLITERATES FOR THIS SUDDEN RISE IN THE Z-COUNT, WE ARE SORRY FOR ANY CONFUSION WE MIGHT HAVE CAUSED

Lastly, we get a word count. If you can write a recipe in 1024 characters, you’re better at thi-