I’m going to have to be a little blunt on this one. The feel of magic and mystery, completely vanished. I know that I should be mad for not seeing what I had expected, but it seems as though the Troll’s mysteriousness went from serious to humorous out of the blue.

Secondly, the Troll’s dialogue took a turn for the worst here, the mystery went from wanting more, to wanting to know what the hell happened. Sorry if I seem a little arrogant or if I’m just picking on you—I’m not.

Thirdly, I feel as if the use of “loincloth” is a little too forced. Like you were trying to fit your “Word of the Day” in here. Also, I’m not sure as to why you capitalized “Water” when it’s not a place or anything proper. Sure, you’re talking about what’s under the bridge, but it still isn’t a proper noun.

Fourthly, I’ll go back a little more on the dialogue. The conversation is random, and doesn’t fit at all into something bigger. Seems a little like gibberish.
Not the best sequel, could have done a lot more.

I like the way the troll grabs him and opens his mind, I also like that he gets away and that he states that suffering feels normal. I wanted to see him not remember anything. And the dialogue in the middle is over board. If you end it with him forgetting it all and cut the dialogue, you’ll have the perfect ending!

The thing here is, that although Ficly can take a story in any direction, I don’t think the fundamentals of characterisation should be changed…

You’ve given a previously deeply troubled, almost suicidal character the personality of a mad scientist type, and turned the troll into a witless thug – and this spoils my enjoyment, because some of what’s here is inspired – those last two lines of dialogue are magical.

But spoilt by other, glaring flaws. I’m going to put myself out there and rate, because that’s what the pencils are for – though like I say, parts of this are really well done – MH :)

I have to agree with previous comments. Not a good fit.