oh wow. I didn’t expect it to take the turn it did. awesome job =)

I agree with bluesparrow that this took a turn I didn’t expect, but one that I liked. My only complaint would be the character’s drinking problem didn’t seem to fit a young teenage couple who were living together. IMHO, I think removing “teenage” from “teenaged hormones” would give this a better feel.

I took your advice, Krulltar, and removed the “teenage”. I think the story took a different angle from what I was originally writing.

Thanks for the comments, you guys!

These kinds of stories are what makes Ficly so important to me. I would never consider such subjects on my own and have no personal experience. Now I find myself asking what I would do when faced with a similar situation.

I expected this to be more of a pining reminiscence of a lost romance, and the curve the story took had me locked in very carefully, wanting to know where it was going.

Very intriguing, this definitely drew me in and made me think…and wonder who I know now might grow up to be like this. Beautiful writing.

Ouch and tragic. Very dark but told in a stoic sort of way that doesn’t go begging for pity or anything like that.

nice little piece…

I think, if you wanted, this would work as a preface to a longer story… just a suggestion :)

I liked it a lot. The countdown was most powerful and were that an opening to a story I would stick with it. Dark, but domestic, exactly where the best stories are written.

This really sucked me in. I felt like I was at a really bad point in time, in my life anyway. Even though you didn’t write about very many emotions (not a bad thing) it was still a tear jerker for me. It was probably just having the experience, but with different circumstances.

Wonderfully written, you write as if you’ve been there.

Like finding ones journal a spouse made throw away, but decided to burn. Who before ever getting to it, left it in storage, bought up by some curious investor hoping to score a high item estate. PROPS! Normal women ‘grow up’ this way, you just never will know who they are (so do some men)