“…speak now or forever hold your peace.”

A man on the right side of the room stands up and yells:

“The groom is six pounds of assholes stuffed into a douche bag, does that count?”

Woman on the left side:

“The bride is really no prize either!”

“That is true,” says the priest

The bride glares at the priest.

“Well it is!” says the priest. “Buuuuut, But none of these are reasons why they should not be married. I mean, yes the groom is a colossal fucktard, and the bride could not be less welcome in my house if she had leprosy and was on fire. But these two horrible excuses for people found each other and bring happiness to each other. So are we going to tell Bitchzilla and Commander Testical Mc Douchebag over here that they can’t be married?”

Various mutterings of “no” could be heard from both sides.

“Now, may I continue?”

The objectioners sit down.

The best man leans in and whispers to the groom: “Now do you see why I go to this church every week?”