Veeeeeeery creepy.
The image you’ve created of a space comprised entirely of doors, doors and more damn doors, is the stuff of feverish nightmares.
The only thing I’d say needed fixing is the last line, as it seems a bit too…sudden, I suppose.
Unless that was your intention, and the suddeness is symbolic of the nightmare ending, or of the nightmare getting much worse.
Still, I give this 5 pencils.
Great work.
=))

Hello there. It’s nice to ‘meet’ you. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this for me and for your encouragement. Much appreciated. I agree. I did want it to be sudden…perhaps leading to something else that is unexpected. However, I’ll take a look to see if I can ease the transition a bit. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. That’s very helpful to me. :o)

Nice! And, yes, creepy!

Minor nitpick: Instead of “but locked him out when he arrived,” might I suggest “but locked him out when he approached?”

Thank you so much, August. I’m glad you enjoyed this. I like “approached” better, but it wouldn’t fit the character count. I’ll have to see if maybe I can rework it after I get some sleep. I appreciate your encouragement. Thanks again. :o)

Shadowlight. Your writing is impressive. I got the jolt when he fell so do not change it.
I think it needed to end abruptly, like awakening from a dream. Even Alice had a bit of a shock when the rabbit burrow came to an end

I liked the abrupt ending. What is he falling into? Sounds like a good topic for a sequel.

This sounds like the worst nightmare. As Keane said, doors upon doors upon doors upon…
I like the way you broke up the paragraphs, it seems to be an acquired talent!
Reminds me a bit of Alice in Wonderland. (Why is a raven like a writing desk?: a question wrapped in an enigma, and the doors is like the rabbit hole, the monster-like qualities of the gas like the Queen or even the caterpillar)
I love surreality in general. Nice work!

Hi Marli,

Thank you for the wonderful compliment. I really appreciate it. I’m glad you enjoyed this and that you didn’t feel the ending was too jolting or out of place. Sometimes it’s hard to know when the jolt is not a jolt but merely distracting. I’m glad you think this works. Once again, thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

smdasilva,

Thank you. I’m glad you liked the ending. As to what he’s falling into (or out of), I’m not really sure. Maybe someone else will write a sequel to tell us. :o).

Hi PJ,

Wow, you got so much out of my little snippet. That makes me happy…and it makes me even happier that I can see what you’re talking about. Did Alice ever learn why a raven was like a writing desk? I can’t remember offhand, LOL. Thank you very much for reading and for your kind words. I appreciate them.

Shadowlight, the way you captured the nightmare is disturbingly accurate. I got shivers along my arms and felt dizzy just reading it. Perhaps you write from experience? Top rates, I love it.

Hi Jae,

I don’t think I’ve met you before. :o) Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this for me. I do appreciate it. It always makes me happy when I can put a reader into the story so your encouragement kind words made my day. From experience? shudder. Usually my nightmares are about falling or being chased, or being trapped…so yeah, I guess this could qualify, though I haven’t dreamt of doors specifically.
Thanks again for reading.