ew! but nice twist on the tribal ritual/rite of passage idea.

Disturbing, but well written. :) I liked it.

It is a well written piece.

Minor nitpick: In the first sentence, ‘flesh’ and ‘muscle’ are the same thing, aren’t they?

Musing: I was able to predict your ending after having read the first paragraph. We’ve only got 1K characters to work with, and I think that the inclination to ‘set the hook’ at the end of the story is really strong. Many of my own stories have the same device, so I’m not immune either. I’m finding myself now expecting a twist in most stories. If I’m expecting it, is it really a twist? I’d be interested to know if an alternate version of this story in which we know up front what it being skinned would actually be a more powerful story or not.

Yeah, I see what you’re saying about the flesh. It doesn’t exactly mean just “muscle” but it’s redundant just the same.

I feel like most ficly’s go for that little twist. Has it gotten to be a cliche yet?

Would you mind if I tried writing an alternate version?

=/ The whole time i thought he was skinnign an animal. But yes it get you to think back to times rigth of passage. A very meaningful tradition.

Feel free, this is a collaborative website.

Unlike August, I didn’t expect it, but then again when it comes to fiction I’m not very perceptive. What a brutal tradition, but I like it. We should all employ this method! (I kid, I hope.)

Excellent. Nice attention to detail, and gruesome enough to really paint a horrid picture. Personally, I think that he should also eat part of the dead man.
@ August- I only sort of expected it when I noticed that it wasn’t a specific animal, like a deer or buffalo but at the same time I see what you mean. I don’t think it’s cliche and it really works for our format, but if someone were to use this as a basis for a longer story (for something other than ficly) then you wouldn’t use it as a big reveal. I am interested to see how your version compares. Cheers!

shudder, but very well written. I wonder if this is a tribe of cannibals and if the warrior was a prisoner of some battle. Regardless, it definitely comes across as a rite of passage. Well done!

@shadowlight: Did you want them to waste that high-quality protein? I don’t think so… ;-)

I really like this, and I picked it as a rite of passage pretty quickly, but I assumed he was skinning an animal, right up until the reveal :p

Very well written!

Ahh! I wasn’t expecting that!

That being said, this is awesome. Nice work!

I’m rating you a 5 so that this comment and rating will beat out my story and get featured.

gut wrenchingly wonderful…
makes me cringe in excitement.

Fun! :-) I might have been the only one who saw this coming… Just goes to show how twisted our minds really are! ;-)

Interesting. Cool piece.

Cool story!

woah thats so unique. i think traditions are sweet

I felt something sinister building up throughout the whole thing. Very nice.

I agree with broccoli brain.

Did not see that coming at all, having grown up in the South, where until the speech about serving the chief, etc. it could have happened yesterday. Brutal twist of a reveal that still leaves a few questions unanswered.

Very nice! Going along with THX’s comment somewhat, I expected the twist to be that this is the modern day, rather than a more traditional setting. Looks like I, too, have started always looking for the twist. Well done in any case.

I’m glad to have read this, and especially the comments. Whenever I read I do my best to gather all the details and formulate my own idea of how things will play out, so when the climax comes I can see how close I got. Ficlys are so short that I have not been doing that with them, yet I believe the exercise still applies. The trend to pull that twist in at the very end – sometimes the last sentence or word – is something I picked up on. I’ll be reading more carefully from now on.

So little space for such a large story, but you fit it all in wonderfully. I think the twist ending took this beyond just a ‘rite of passage’ tale and made it a compelling story.

Congratulations on getting the featured story!

I was not expecting to enjoy this story, because I abhor hunting. The end was an unexpected twist.

wow, i really enjoyed this.
nice twist at the end, i didnt see it coming.
I particuarly liked the part where the boy feels pride in what he’s done. Though the eventual outcome may be shocking to us, i liked the way that the boy and his father see it as a right of passage.

Very cleanly written, effortless to read, and one of the better executions of the “Ficly twist” that August mentioned. Very good use of the medium to high potential – I don’t think this could have been better as a longer piece, but would have been hard to set the reader up for the twist with anything shorter.

Very well done. I imagine this taking place in a Max Max-like society.

But that’s just where my mind goes sometimes. :D

I must say that I saw the twist coming but a very well written story none the less

This has been nominated for the ficly book.