An hour since I left her…

I know that nothing goes wrong any more. She’s in good hands; her mom, my mom, sisters, they would tell me if something was wrong… Just relax.

The excitement; the joy; and yes, the terror of bringing new life that I have to help keep alive into this world; take turns washing over me. All this keeps me on edge and in a very fragile state. No wonder guys used to wait here smoking – it sure would take the edge off.

The nurse opens the door to the waiting room again.

“Are you sure-” she starts. I cut her off,

“YES I’M FUCKING SURE. LADY, YOU’VE ASKED 4 FUCKING TIMES IF I WANT TO SEE THE BIRTH OF MY KID AND ALL 4 TIMES I’VE SAID NO! I DON”T FUCKING CARE WHAT OTHER GUYS DO! I LIKE MY WIFE’S VAGINA, AND SEEING MY KID COMING OUT OF IT ISN’T BIG ON MY LIST! AND BESIDES, THE ONLY THING I WOULD DO IN THAT ROOM IS THROW UP AND PASS OUT! SO DO NOT ASK ME AGAIN!"

“….Okay then,” she says and leaves.

My hands are shaking…

…I don’t think I’ll tell my kid about that part.