At first there was the expected shock and disbelief as news of a zombie uprising spread. But it turned out that the zombies weren’t really all that tough to control. Sure, millions of corpses turned and then thousands of the living turned as well. Still, casualties were much lighter than we expected across the country before the menace was more or less reigned in.

Then Einstein’s corpse turned.

We had assumed that zombies necessarily lost their intelligence when they turned. We were wrong. We were so very wrong.

Before we even knew about him, zombie Einstein had developed a personal transporter and a portable array that paralyzed anyone within several miles. He was impossible to track.

Thirty minutes ago he teleported into my home. I watched in helpless terror as he dined on my family’s brains. He’ll be coming for me next.

And all I can think about is the irony that his teleporter finally and authoritatively discredits his theory of general relativity.