Very neatly done, & an authentic voice for the protagonist too.

sooo she died???

Yeah. She died. Excuse me for being subtle.

The girl sounds kind of autistic, with that detachment at twelve years old. Did you work out how many minutes past a day is half past four? Thats awesum.

Well done! I loved this.

That was brilliant. I guessed the ending but it still worked brilliantly because the reveal that the watch’s second hand hasn’t progressed since she last checked it, is subtle. (Even if it is foreshadowed by the unusual title.)

It reminds me of the Lovely Bones protagonist, which is quite an achievement in 1024 characters or less.

I feel strange that she was so young, but that sort of adds to the sympathy aspect of it. It seemed like it neededjust a few more words for clarity, but overall good.

That’s the issue. I had to trim the fat. Sometimes words get cut. Don’t mark me down for that.

This is a well written piece. All the suspense without the gore.
The timing was just right.
What is it with clocks and mystery? It always works…..

This was really well written story. Great job!

YAY! I’m featured!

good story, the twist thrown in, the character’s obsession, the tiny details that make this story.

1st: CONGRATS ON BEING FEATURED…you deserve it!

2nd: YOU GOT LOADS OF GOOD, QUALITY COMMENTS ON THIS STORY BEFORE IT WAS FEATURED…so quit your bitchin’ about not your stories not getting comments :o)

3rd: The narrator seemed emotionally detached from the story, even though it was about her. Maybe death does that to a person? Also, you put in some good potential for side stories, ie her father, Abby, and “I was told later” implies another being in the afterlife.
I do have a complaint or two…why would she think it was abby who died? It needs more details, or could have been left out. Also, I’m not completely sure on this, but the word “niggles” seems misused. In the words of Inigo Montoya , “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

4th: This is a LARGE comment, ‘cause that’s just how Krulltar rolls. (Yes, Krulltar did just referred to Krulltar in the 1st person.)

@ Krull

1st: Thanks.

2nd: That bitchin’ was based on the past, and it seems a new leaf has been turned over.

3rd: Thanks for the first half. As for the second half, if you knew someone was dead, and they died in the place where you last knew your best friend to be, you’d fear the worst. As for niggles, I really couldn’t think of a better word.

4th: Thanks for making it large, but you actually referred tp yourself in 3rd person, not 1st. Sorry =(

I like the idea and the tone is great. Something about the sentence “Despite nothing being there, I couldn’t really see the body” still bothers me, though.

If there’s nothing there, how could there be a body? Wouldn’t a body be something? Then we find out that she sees the feet, but the feet aren’t nothing. The sentence bothers me at another level, too: nothing cannot be.

Brilliantly done!

I agree that “nothing being there” confused me a bit. Overall, I thought it was a great story.