I took the deal when I was in my prime. While I was still young, and handsome. And the women! I could have, and usually did, just about any woman I wanted. That’s not bragging. It’s just a statement of fact.

While everyone else got old and died, I stayed in my prime. While everyone else stayed with their wives, I got to screw around with them. I was always horny, and I was always able to get laid.

Well, at least until it all changed. You see, when I took the deal, I never thought that I wouldn’t be able to get what I want. But when you’re so young and naive, you never think about the unintended consequences.

And so it was that as I lived on, other people continued to die. And soon, there were fewer and fewer living. And dying. And soon, there was only me.

And so it is that I spend the rest of my infinite days, trying to find new and interesting ways to masturbate. You want my advice?

Don’t take the deal.