If you really knew me

If you really knew me, I wouldnt be writing this.

Im torn right now, it feels like Iv been on the run for the past 5years. My parents have been going through a divorce, and my mom is a psychopath. She has bipolar disorder, clinical depression, thyroid malfunction. She takes 5different types of pills and its been so bad in the past iv considered overdosing on them

Iv tried to run away to college, but im in the hole for 12grand because my scholarship fell through and I joined the army to pay for it. Im back at college now, but i still dont know if its going to work this time and if it doesnt, Im financially ruined

I went to boot camp last semester and since Iv returned, everythings been different. Iv had a girlfriend for the past year and a half and shes amazing, I love her so much but things have changed.

I dont feel like the same person, I feel like I need to go overseas and commit to the Army even though it would destroy our relationship. I hate myself for all it does to her and because I still love it.

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