I’ve noticed that you’ve used ‘sucked his teeth’ in another one of your stories. You seem drawn to that description/action ;) I’m only bringing it up in case you weren’t aware. It’s not a knock, just an observation. And the good writing continues…

@Tad: Good eye. You’ll have a hard time finding a work of mine where the character doesn’t “suck his teeth” or “bite her lip.” It’s a weird thing I do in pretty much all my pieces. I like to think of it as a trademark instead of a lack of creative mannerisms. Hahaha.

‘sucking teeth’ is a popular expression used in lots of detective/noir fables. I’d be more inclined to recognize certain trademarks of your writing if you had created them yourself. I wish you’d try to create a trademark instead of latching on to a cliche— because I know you have the talent to do so, and so the bar of my expectations raises for good writer’s like you :)

What kind of horrible, horrible person hates cupcakes?

The kind of person who doesn’t like anybody, that’s who.

I like the last line, helps add to his character.

Some of the sentence structure in that first paragraph is a bit dodgy, either too long or starting with conjunctions (not considered “strong” to start sentences with ‘but’ or ‘and’ and the like).

Sounds like a funny mystery so far. I mean, any case involving a bakery can’t be all bad.

@Tad— Well putting it like that certainly makes me want to take it out and try something else. Haha. Thanks for the compliment!

@THX— Sadly, I think I’ve gotten in the habit of starting sentences with “and/but” due to my freewrite poetry. There were actually more in this story in the first draft then there are now. I thought about putting a comma in the first paragraph instead of starting the sentence out with “but”, but it felt like a run-on sentence even if it isn’t. I wanted people to stop and breathe for a second.

Thanks for all the critiques and compliments, guys. I really appreciate it!

He’s shaping up to be an interesting character. Favorite line: “mainly because he couldn’t really say that he liked anybody”