Considering that from the title and the first sentence I thought I had this instantly pegged as another ‘pre-execution weepy’, this turned things around very subtly, and incredibly well…

I think the paragraphing could have been a little clearer, with some single spacing to spread things out a little, but the blurring between a kind of character assassination and actual execution makes this very intriguing indeed.

And so many questions! What has Marcus done? The relationship between him and David? What’s on the memory stick? Why does Hawking want to die for heaven’s sake?

Lost the tiniest bit of impact for me with the stereotypical image of the single tear, but this is well-shaped, and crying out for a sequel.

Bravo! MH :)

Looks like Mostly Harmless hit the low points and high points. I also noted a repetition of corridor in the first paragraph. So, I think the overall is that there’s lots of potential here with just a few missteps.

Made a few tweaks, tell me if they work or not. As for all the unanswered questions, hold on, I will get to them eventually.

I much prefer the ending now – the quiet resignation of the nod is stronger than the teardrop…

Good to see you taking advice on board so well – MH :)

well, this is a great piece, i’m hooked! I want some cataclysmic twist though, so that he doesn’t die. :)