This certainly has the set-up for a tragic, emotional piece, with guns and zombies – and the opening is really gripping – but I think the sudden change from Tara’s despair at her mother’s transformation to killing her with an apparent total lack of remorse is too fast and feels a little hollow…
Also, the description of an accent as ‘aluminium’ doesn’t ring true – I can’t imagine it in my head.
That said, the situation itself is clever, and could work as a decent prologue to whatever series you might be planning…
Decent work – could do with an edit to polish up – MH :)
Mostly Harmless