“It was not sex.”
“Yes it was.”
“No it wasn’t!”
“Well, were your intimate areas exposed?”
“Yeah”
“Were they touching?”
“Yeah.”
“Did it feel good?”
“Oh yes.”
“Then it was sex.”
“No, it wasn’t!”
“Well what do you call that?”
“Dry humping.”
“Okay, so what would make it sex?”
“There was no penetration.”
“But after the body-parts-touching, you said you finished him off.”
“With my mouth! Geez.”
“That is sex. Look it up! It’s called oral.”
“We didn’t have sex!”
“You could get herpes!”
“Not from a virgin!”
“Well, what do you call it?”
“Cosmo says foreplay.”
“Cosmo! A magazine knows more than a textbook?”
“Yes! They can’t print that stuff in a textbook!”
“You are having sex.”
“No, I am NOT. I am having foreplay.”
“But then you WILL.”
“But I love him! It’s okay!”
“How do you know he’s the one?”
“I just do. But if we did break up, we’ve never had sex.”
“Yes, you have.”
“Stop it, okay! This is infuriating!”
“Fine foreplay.”
“Thank you.”
“You gonna eat your giant pretzel?”
“No, you can have it.”