Nice! That last line is positively chilling. Good elaboration on a common phrase.

Great entry.

This is a nice alternative entry to the challenge. A different form of writing than straight storytelling.

I really like the structure of the third paragraph, but the sentences leading up to that point are a bit too cliche. It takes the strength away.

I agree some of the phrases could be tweaked, but an awesome ficly nonetheless

I really like this! Very well written.