You know, considering you seem to have taken it upon yourself to lambast Ficly’s rules, in this series you’ve conformed to them well and written something engaging and meaningful.

It seems to meander a little toward the form of a blog post in the last couple of entries, as your character and plot vanish and it becomes solely a commentary on the 21st Century, but nonetheless the themes you’re dealing with are intensely political, hugely topical, and I found it all very intriguing.

Perhaps, in light of a good review, you could stop launching such an assault against the nature of our website?

Though I suppose, if you’re anything like Fred or Kyle, that won’t be happening any time soon… MH :)

I can’t say that I agree with Mostly Harmless’s take on your writing. That is not to say that it’s bad, but it seems that your wheels have spun a mile’s worth but the car hasn’t moved. This extensive character development and social commentary would be great if you had done something/anything to make me care about these characters. As the story is now all I’ve seen in my mind’s eye is two guys sit motionless in chairs while a disembodied narrator tells me their extensive back story. What do they do? Where are they going? What is the point? I think you have it in you to write some wonderful essays on the current American Condition, but this is a fiction site. We need stories, and stories need plot.

Additionally, you may want to ease up on the terminology and five dollar words. It’s wonderful to have such things at your disposal but it becomes a bit of a Spider-Man clause: “With great power comes great responsibility.” Use your vocabulary sparingly for effect, not to bowl over the reader by force.