Ooooo, I likes. The title a nod to Dylan? or are you just using a similar scansion?

The second ‘like’ is a bit redundant though and breaks up the flow. After the first one, it’s obvious you’re going to be using simile a lot.

thank you! not sure who Dyan is or what a scansion is?

The awesome rhyme in the title drew me in. Great title! Now to read…

haha, I found it to be hilarious— in a good way. It reads like a dream put to paper. The descriptions are very good in spots and overall it has a certain cadence— it’s faint but a rhythm is there, somewhere, half buried. I enjoyed reading this :)

Thought it sounded like the ‘shortpants romance’ rhyme from Bob Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues.

argh, slap myself upside the face for saying “Dyan”, I am a shame to my people. didn’t write this as any sort of emulation, just sorta came out. but hail to the Dylan.