My very first story!! I’m so excited!! Now, in my (cruelly abbreviated) Bio, I promised to share a little bit of my knowledge about mammoth with everyone. I don’t like to brag, but I am a leading self-appointed expert on mammoth habitat, diet, culture, physiology (which is amazing, considering I have only a vague grasp of what the word itself means) and movies.

“Movies?” you exclaim. “I didn’t know mammoth directed or produced any movies!”

No. No, they didn’t. But don’t even get me started on mammoth discrimination in the movie industry – I’m already running up against this hideous character limit, like a poor blood-crazed hyena against the trans-African hyena fence.

But – to continue – mammoth have acted in many movies. For proof I need only point to ‘10,000 B.C.’ – THE definitive mammoth picture. There were some human actors in it, certainly (detracting from the story, naturally), but once you’ve seen the edition that’s subtitled in Mammoth, you’ll never go back to an English-only version again.