Good Lord, I’ve been truncated. Now I know exactly how Tattoo felt on ‘Fantasy Island’.

But let us continue to delve into the mysterious and little-understood world of the elusive Mammoth.

And by ‘elusive’, I mean ‘nearly extinct’.

And by ‘nearly extinct’, I mean ‘dead as a doorknob’.

Let us not, however, despair. Because despair leads to anger, and anger leads to fear, and then pretty quick you’re over on the Dark Side and not even talking about mammoth anymore. Now – because of the lucky fact that the mammoth are all dead – we can make up all SORTS of things about them, and no one can prove us wrong.

For instance, mammoth were known to be fabulous water-skiers. Many an antediluvian lake or biblical tropical sea once echoed with the cry “Row FASTER, Noah!!”

“WHAT?” you exclaim. “Mammoth – on Noah’s ark?? Does Jesus know about this”

Yes. Yes He does.

Noah was against taking them on board at first, you know – a discriminatory sentiment that is STILL reflected in Hollywood culture.