Nailed it. You took my idea and fleshed it out into concrete terms. I love the whole challenge of, “You want out? There’s the door,” coupled with a fair counter-argument that the decision itself is forced. Very nicely done, and the fire theme carried through nicely with the autumn leaves imagery.
Nitpicky thing: It’s considered less strong in terms of writing to start sentences with conjunctions (and, but, or, etc). Something to try and a lot of times, even though in conversation we do it a lot, it can sound even better without them.
Thanks Cally! I’ve replaced “and” with “then,” but I’ve kept it in the form of two sentences. It gives the idea of a pause between the process of cursing the fates, and then the sense of resignation and giving in.
I’ve tried it a few different ways, but I can’t seem to convey the sense of inner struggle if the decision appears too quick and eager. I probably would write it differently if I hadn’t run so short on characters!
I think it works now, though I’m generally averse to starting sentences with “Then,” almost as much as I resist beginning them with “Suddenly.” That path is always a bit of a slippery one: soon enough, you find yourself addicted to exclamation marks and unable to write the word “said” without following it with garish adverbs.
I like the “Yeah, and rapists tell their victims that-”. There’s a huge difference between biological reaction and rational response in some situations.
In a story about vampires, who traditionally find it hard to control themselves at the best of times, the comparison is vivid.