Painful moment, the transition from feeling so blissfully wonderful and then the ‘oh crap’ moment of unwanted (well, not entirely unwanted, but too much/too fast) advances. It really piles on the layers of intrapsychic conflict for your character.

That part of the story is really strong. The whole first half suffers from some really bad sentence structures, everything from run-ons to missed commas and just weird clause structures. Grammar is nit-picky I know, but not getting it right makes for a really difficult read.

Thanks. I’m glad you like at least a part of it. I feel slightly pressured to continue this series, not bo others but by myself. I’d hate myself if I left it half finished. I’ll have to edit the structure slightly…

Poor Jonny. He’s not very aware of the situation before him or what she wants. He’s just acting on selfish impulses— not so smooth, dude xP (is what I want to yell at him from my director’s chair). I have this lingering smidge of fear in me that this will escalate— you didn’t exactly put the reader at ease by the end.

The forced kiss was implemented abruptly which correlates with the action itself pretty well, and that’s probably why the story picks up speed there. It’s shocking for the reader because you set Jonny up to be a caring, understanding, protective, generally nice guy.

I agree with THX about the grammar. I’m not exactly a grammar fiend myself so I prob. should shut it, hehe :/ I’ll be looking for an edit on this later on (no pressure though). It’s a good story after all.