I enjoyed this so very thoroughly! I like the gritty spiciness, and I can completely sympathize with the last part. As for critique, I took pause at the first ‘some’…I feel like it could be more fluid as “some of it happens”. Also, I’ve been tempted to leave off punctuation for a much more necessary character in the 1024 lineup, but I’d reaaalllyyy like to see something at the end there. ;) Very awesome, one of my faves. 5 big ones.

I agree, the detail and the sheer command of language in this are viscerally satisfying in a manner very similar to bacon. It’s hard to describe a Big Moment with Lots of Atmosphere in so few characters, but this does it. And sex always sells and intrigues (much like bacon), so well done there, too.

Very nice!

I loved the mood setting and the ambiance flavor text. I have been in a lot of places like this and you brought me back which is saying a lot as you only have so many words to do it.

At first some of the word tenses and choices threw me but then it seemed to be sort of dialectical (is that a word?) so in the end I bought it.

Good job

The original ending was ‘So what?’ which I pulled back from. Not really sure I should have now.