I like the mystery and conflict already presenting in the story This sentence read wierd to me and I thought it would work better at the end of the paragraph to lead into the next action “Lukas took a deep breath and twisted the key to his new room in the lock.” Alt: “Lukas took a deep breath twisting the key in the lock to his new room.”
I like the mystery and conflict already presenting in the story
This sentence read wierd to me and I thought it would work better at the end of the paragraph to lead into the next action
“Lukas took a deep breath and twisted the key to his new room in the lock.”
Alt: “Lukas took a deep breath twisting the key in the lock to his new room.”
I liked this sentence (forgot a period) “Light from the covered lamps in the hallway gently pushed the shadows back”
No changes. I like the seperation between taking a deep breath and turning the key. It lengthens the moment and gives it a feeling of regret.
Tina Murphy Tina Murphy 
Robert Quick Tina Murphy Tina Murphy Robert Quick