January 20:

“…without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.”

May 9:

The sunset is red, white, and blue. Kinda looks like the sky is suffocating, patriotically. You know, like first it was a boiling red, then that sheer whitish color between unconsciousness and death, and finally polar blue. I guess I don’t really blame it. I’d choke on us too if I were it.

It has been five months since I was inaugurated as president. Five months since I’ve lived the ideal American life, five months since I told the fattest lie ever. Oh, and it has been four days since the end of our life, “our life” meaning our race. And no, we aren’t clinically dead. Just basically.

It has been about thirteen minutes since I decided to keep track of whatever’s happening. I wouldn’t say apocalypse, but in hindsight, I suppose it is. So let me start at the beginning of a terrible end…