The switch from the rogue to Chris walking to his corpse threw me. Is Chris the rogue? I couldn’t tell what was happening. Sorry but you had me until “cloaked in shadow” then just confusion.

It’s a computer game. Cool.:D

Yeah, I got the computer game part, but the transition is still really quick with no point of reference as to how Chris relates to what’s going in the game…or why an immortal would be playing a video game.

Chris is the human player of Argan, who was killed by the rogue, and at the end, takes his game spirit form back to his game body. The sentence with /played in it is awkward.. maybe use quotes?
It took me a second to understand the switch between Argan and Chris, too. Definitely could be clearer.

Haha, sorry, wasn’t intending it to be so obscure. Maybe because used to play World of Warcraft so long the references seem to pop out to me. Basically Chris is playing WoW, and gets jumped by a rogue. The rogue quickly kills him, and Chris must walk back to his body to resurrect. Tried to imply he wasn’t having much fun playing the game anymore, and the /played is a reference to him being scared to see how much time he has already spent playing the game. Chris is not immortal, his avatar is. Vicariously Chris is immortal through his avatar, and so that is the price of being immortal, that he must continue to play the game. The change is abrupt, because well, only so much space to type, but also tried to blur the lines between the game and reality. Some people invest a lot into it, and it’s very real to them. Anyway, thanks for the comments, much appreciated.

The separation between player and character is a bit nebulous for those who don’t immediately get the references (which I did ^^).

Couple of suggestions, let us know what Kal’Thang is (I’m guessing imp), and instead of having “Chris” walk back to his corpse, have Argan, but then have Chris accept the res. Might make things a little more clear.

I dunno really, since I’m in the same boat you’re in. I got it all pretty quickly since I know the jargon. Fun story tho, I enjoyed the quirky look at immortality.

I agree with Ms. Cahill.

This story is very close to being great. I would have liked the reference to a RPG to be a bit more ambiguous, but good as is.

I love the title!