“His onetime shiny leather shoes now scratched and scuffed” is a fragment and chops the rhythm of an otherwise perfect narrative.

This reads like the setup to a potboiler mystery. I really like potboiler mysteries.

And I especially like this piece which begs for both prequel and sequel!

The extra pencil for excellent content in the sketch overcomes the fragment.

I like the scene and the overall feel, but I stumbled through a lot of it, mostly over either fragments like the one Bob mentioned or other odd verb choices (mostly using a past tense in a clause where a gerund might have read more naturally). Lots and lots of promise, but the style/technical stuff threw me.

Thank you both for your insightful comments.

I used a semi-colon in an attempt to bandage the fragmented sentence. I hope it holds up.

I had to Google “gerund” since I had no idea what a “gerund” was and found out most of my writ-ing doesn’t include them. I am go-ing to have to do someth-ing about that, but I’m still learn-ing, I guess. =[)

Would you believe me if I told you that I used past tense verbs instead of gerund verbs because the “ed” is shorter than the “ing” and so my story fit in the space constraint? – No? Yeah, I didn’t think so. I wouldn’t buy it either.

Thanks for the help.

I really like the contrast of the grimy alley and the shiny new coins. Very nice!

lain, not laid. :) this piece reads poetically because you did not begin a single line with a, an, the, my, he, his, etc.. articles nor pronouns. Sometimes this makes it harder to read. Very vivid descriptions, once I picked up on the flow of your piece.

“lain”, got it!
Thanks.

Oh, is that what I did? I was wondering why it sounded funny.

thanks again. []0)

Love Noir, and the city jumps off the page at me in all it’s gritty glory. A well dressed person is lying in an alley is a mystery I want to enjoy, and not completely from schadenfreude.

Think it’s lay , lain is past or perfect.

“lay” it is!
Thanks.
this is fun!
[]o)

If I picked out all the lines I liked we’d be here all day. Every line is a winner.
(That said sometimes we need a break from eloquentness haha)
But it feels like poetry and there is some beautiful imagery here (I like sticky brick walls – you don’t remember them as sticky till you touch them and details like that just throw me into a spin cycle)

I feel like I’ve missed out on the grammar picking and I feel left out.

Well, ally should be alley… otherwise I believe it’s a different word, unless you’re one of the British on here and just spell things funny :p PJ, that was meant with lots of love.

Other than that, this is entrancing. I want to find out more! I shall read on.